


From Ashes, A New Beginning

by Avalynne



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Help--I've fallen into this ship and can't find my way out., Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry., Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey & Finn & Poe are all best friends and you'll never convince me otherwise., Reylo - Freeform, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, but not really.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-02-26 14:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13237665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avalynne/pseuds/Avalynne
Summary: A thousand stars separate them. Their hearts are shattered, and the causes they both fight for are in flames. They should be the last person the other wants to see, and yet, the Force continues drawing them together in ways that they can't understand.Aaaaand this is a super vague summary because ALL OF THIS is spoilers for The Last Jedi, and I'm not gonna be that guy and ruin it. It takes place right after the movie. Hopefully that makes it a little less vague for you all who have seen it. :)





	1. Another Fragile Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Caution: This whole thing is a Last Jedi spoiler. Just saying.

Everything was burning.

He might have been the Supreme Leader, but it was in title only. He’d claimed the title in force--it had made sense, _he_ was the one who had given up everything for Snoke, _he_ was the one who had killed everything about himself in order to get to this point--but if one thing was clear to him, it was that Armitage Hux’s loyalty was as shallow as a lake on Jakku. A mirage, an illusion--nothing tangible, nothing real, nothing that would last.

He’d been so certain, so confident, so positive that the vision he’d seen in the Force was true. He’d done his studies, read up on his grandfather--even Darth Vader, when he had been the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, had a Force vision about his wife dying, and it had come true, hadn’t it? 

So why had his failed?

She was too unpredictable. And now, trapped in hyperspace as his flagship jumped from point to point as Hux tried narrowing down just where the few remaining members of the Resistance were hiding, he had nothing but time to reflect on his own failures.

He’d taken down his greatest enemy.

She still hadn’t joined him.

He should have been used to the pain. He’d faced down his own uncle--his teacher, his friend, a father figure to him given that he spent more time with Luke Skywalker than he did with either of his actual parents--holding a lightsaber over him as he slept, his own entropic emotions swirling in the Force between them.

He’d survived that betrayal. 

This...this hurt differently, but it still hurt.

He hated that. Snoke would have told him to channel that rage, that hatred, but this...this anger was different. It wasn’t red hot, searing like lava on Mustafar, like his anger over Luke’s betrayal had been. 

Instead, this was bitter cold, freezing him to a point of inaction.

She’d slammed the door.

He hadn’t been ready.

He glanced at the terminal in his room that was synced with the ship as it lit up with new activity reports. No evidence of the Resistance at the last point, plotting next jump coordinates, a long string of numbers--eight hours until arrival.

There was no need to report to the bridge. He and Hux were on the same page for now--find the Resistance. He’d report when they finished their job.

In the meantime, he still needed to finish his own job of boiling down whatever fragile crystals of emotions he’d allowed himself to feel back into nothing but the boiling river of dark side rage.

* * *

The Resistance was tired.

There was a quiet determination in the air of a group of people who had determined to give up everything for their cause, a cause that would give hope to beings everywhere in this galaxy. They would fight--no amount of exhaustion would stop that.

But the air felt heavier than usual, the Resistance fighters quieter than usual. General Organa had retired to the cockpit after they’d started the jumps on their escape route so they could finally throw off the First Order’s fleet.

Rey hurt for her. Poe had told her about Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo’s valiant sacrifice.

Nobody had to tell her about Luke Skywalker. She’d felt it in the Force--a light extinguished. And if she had felt it...then Leia had felt it as well.

She hesitated outside the cockpit where Leia had barricaded herself in, the memory of how Leia had held her when they had both lost Han burning inside of her.

The door was locked, though, and she passed on, wandering without any thought of where she was going.

She’d been so positive of her own vision. Ben, escaping with her to fight the First Order--not claiming the mantle of power for himself to continue on the atrocities.

Inside of her, the same fire she always had still burned--the same one that kept her going on Jakku, kept her fighting to stay alive for parents who would never return for her, kept her pressing Luke Skywalker to give her Jedi training, kept her fighting for the Resistance, to finally right the wrongs of the galaxy.

It had burned with the same confidence that there was good in Ben, just like there had been in Luke’s father, and she’d _known_ she was right.

Just like she’d known her parents would always come back for her. It looked like having a sensitivity for the Force wouldn’t stop her from hoping for people that would just abandon her in the end.

_ You’re nothing. _

She held a breath in to keep herself together, focusing on the same energy she’d channeled her entire life on Jakku. If she let it suffocate her, it would win, so instead, she focused on staying alive. Breathing. There were no parts to scavenge to sell for meager food portions, so instead she just walked. She would find something to do--there was certainly no shortage of work to be done now that their numbers were so reduced. Despite how crowded the ship was, everyone was quiet.

Rey was no stranger to grief’s song of silence.

A door opened in front of her--she hadn’t really recalled even walking this direction, but it opened to the cargo bay that had been converted into a medbay, and she walked in. 

Finn was still standing with Rose Tico, who was still unconscious.

How many hours had passed since they’d jumped to hyperspace, since she’d slammed the door, since Finn had started standing vigil over a girl that Rey had only gotten the briefest of explanations about from Poe?

She walked back over to him, linking her arm through his. If Finn liked this girl, then Rey knew that she would like her too, when she woke up.

_If she woke up._ She forced the thought from her mind.

“You need to take a break,” Rey murmured. It felt sacrilegious to even speak--the room was filled the injured and the quiet murmurs of fighters-turned-medics who were doing their best to keep from needlessly losing anymore of the Resistance members.

“I wanna be here when she wakes up,” Finn leaned his head against Rey’s, both tired and to keep his voice down as well. “You need a break too.”

“Let’s at least go get a glass of water,” Rey said. “Then you can come back, and I’ll go rest, okay?”

Finn tensed, then nodded, once. Rey led him to the kitchen, pulling down a set of mismatched glasses--everything had so much history that so much felt like a loss here, stories that would never be told, friends that would never be here again, and she forced herself to drink her water, hoping the sudden dizziness she felt was just a result of dehydration and not the waves of grief threatening to consume her.

“You think she’ll be okay?” Finn asked.

Rey forced a smile. She had no idea--she knew next to nothing about the girl, but Poe had told her about her sacrifice to save Finn. 

Rose’s sacrifice. Holdo’s. Luke’s. Everything hurt and everything felt wrong.

“I have to meet her so we can swap stories about you,” Rey said, and the smile felt a little more authentic even though it didn’t resonate through her the way it should have. 

“She’ll enjoy that,” Finn rolled his eyes, a little smile playing at his lips and in the corner of his eyes. 

The silence was so heavy it felt like a physical weight, pressing on her, threatening to suffocate her.

“I should go back,” Finn said, leaving the glass in the sink, and Rey nodded. He opened the door to the kitchen, where Poe was standing. He glanced from Finn to Rey, and Rey jerked her head towards Finn. 

“I’ll go with you,” Poe offered, and Finn nodded, his mouth a grim line as the two of them went back to the cargo bay.

There were too many people on the ship, and she had to find a place of solitude so she could pick up her broken pieces, clean up and scatter her ashes, and figure out just how she was going to proceed from here.

There was no one in the kitchen as of yet, but it would just be a matter of time. She walked out and stopped in front of a door that didn’t go to a part of the ship she knew of.

She paused, then opened it, reaching in and clicking on its dim light. A few outfits were haphazardly thrown on hangers, but there was still plenty of room.

She reached out and touched one of the sleeves, her heart twisting as she breathed in.

They smelled like Han Solo. These were his extra things he’d thrown in that he’d grabbed at Maz’s. 

He was gone too, further gone than even his son, and she stepped into the closet, pulling the door closed and finally letting her heart break the way it had been threatening to do since the moment she’d stolen the transport and escaped the Supreme Leader’s flagship.

She’d spent so much of her childhood training herself not to cry that even now she couldn’t quite remember how to do it, but everything inside of her felt like it was ripping to shreds, combustion that filled her heart with burning embers, with smoke and ashes.

And then, a strange warmth that she hadn’t thought she would feel again, not after she’d slammed the door.

She’d kept him out once before, when she had first been his enemy, with nothing but her sheer willpower.

If she was honest, though, hadn’t a part of her wanted this?

Sadistic, to crave the very pain that was threatening to crush her under its presence.

She wanted to scream at him, to rage, but there was a part of her that knew it was her own pain that had summoned him to her.

She finally looked up, not quite sure what she was expecting--

It hadn’t been to see the same pain that was threatening to crush her mirrored in the brown eyes of Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order.

_ You come from nothing. You’re nothing. _

No. Not Kylo Ren.

_ But not to me. _

Ben Solo.


	2. Near a Duller Blade

Their eyes met, the short distance between them suffocatingly close, as each waited for the other to make a move.

He waited for her to shut the link off again, as she had earlier.

She waited for him to speak, to say anything that would give her a glimpse of the light she wanted so desperately to see, the light that she _knew_ was there.

“You can still come home.”

She didn’t recall thinking the words, but they rose out of her anyway, and his eyes met hers, dark, distant. 

“I never had a home there, Rey,” he said, wrapping his arms around his knees as if he could take up less space in this shared moment of time. There was no ignoring how she was pressed up against...wherever she was...clearly trying to keep from touching him.

“Of course you do,” she closed her eyes, and he couldn’t even find it within him to raise the anger necessary to be mad at her. Of course she didn’t know. Why would she? “Your mom’s still here.”

His mother had never been there for him, of that he had no doubt. There was no point in holding faith for that. There was only one draw in the Force that called to his soul.

“And you?” he finally asked.

“I’m still here too, Ben,” she whispered, resting her forehead on her knees. “Just come home.”

“This never was my home, Rey,” he said. A small enclosed area. He could imagine the closet she was in on the _Falcon_ \--it was one he’d hidden in a few times as a child as well, amongst his father’s cologne-scented coats, hoping that it would be the one place that the darkness of his nightmares wouldn’t find him. “You, of all people, should understand that.”

She bristled visibly, glaring up from her otherwise demure position.

“And what’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Your parents didn’t want you either,” he said, and he knew it sounded cold and harsh but some sorrows had no softness to them. 

“That’s not--”

“Rey, they left you!”

“--true about _your_ parents,” Rey finished through gritted teeth. “I’ve talked to both of them. They’d do--would have done--anything for you to come home!”

“Then maybe they should have made it home from the beginning,” he said, and she gave a derisive bark of a laugh that finally drew up some of the anger within him. “You find that so hard to believe?”

“Yes, actually, I do,” she said, crossing her arms and looking at him in full force now. “I know what happened with your uncle was horrible, but it’s not like your parents left you on a desert planet to fend for yourself--at least they sent you to live with family, at least they--”

He held his hand out to her impatiently, inviting, daring all at once.

“Let me show you.”

Her brown eyes met his, and for a moment, he thought she’d refuse--

But she placed her hand in his, and the bond intensified.

And through the bond, all the memories that he had packed into darkness and used to fuel his anger, had set ablaze to fire the dark side within him--all of that flowed through their touch, not quite physical but no less electrifying, and through that connection, Rey, for the first time, _saw_.

Saw a loving father who was too busy doing runs on the _Falcon_ to really be connected--

Saw General Organa--then Senator Organa--a kind mother, who was so involved in politics that she barely had time to notice--

Saw that underneath it all, a horrifying figure, large, alien, full of darkness and promises of affection and attention, haunting his nightmares--

Saw as two parents sent him to Uncle Luke’s academy, where hopefully he could deal with that power, that darkness, Ben’s nightmares--

Saw parents who never even told him about his lineage as a grandson of Darth Vader until the entire galaxy already knew about it, why, because they didn’t trust him? Because they could sense the madness, or--

Saw that all Ben wanted was someone to just listen as he screamed out his panic and fears, for someone to keep the nightmares at bay, for someone other than the monstrous shadow to take interest in him--

And, at the center of it all, Rey saw Ben’s fall to the darkness, to the only safety net he had--Snoke.

“Ben,” she breathed as he drew his hand back, millimeters between him, a fraction of a gasp of air and she understood, understood that her rejection, to him, hadn’t been a rejection of _power_ but a rejection of _him_. “No, it’s not like that, not at all--”

But this time, he was the one who cut off the link between them, retreating into the solace of his own shadows to regain his composure before she could see him for the broken man he was.


	3. A Promise Out of Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren feels her light in the edges of his darkness, and Rey feels his darkness at the edges of her light. In the other, each finds hope, though in a different way.

From the bridge, the view from the glass showed a hyperspace full of emptiness, with streaking stars flying past him, just bits of light as they flew on into the darkness in front of him.

It seemed an adequate metaphor. Bits of light streaking by him as he continued on to the shadows that had claimed him.

She was a streak of light so bright, but there was a certain darkness and anger within her if she would just claim it the way he had. 

She wanted him to come home, but he was already here. He couldn’t be for her what she wanted him to be--all he could be was just himself, as he was.

There was a certain warmth in her light that he could always feel, tantalizing, just at the edge of his consciousness, but instead he stared through the window at the darkness ahead of him, focused.

___________________________________

It was BB-8 who found her in the dark closet. She’d turned the lights out in hopes that it would give her the focus to meditate, but it hadn’t helped. Instead, she’d sat, surrounded by darkness, facing the only light that came into the room--beams of light through a vent in front of her face. That light had been her sole focus, until BB-8 had rolled in front of it, blocking the light and giving her a full view of his orange paint.

The door opened, not to only BB-8, but Finn and Poe as well. She wanted to smile, but couldn’t seem to muster the energy.

At the edges of her senses, he was still there, but this time, he had closed the door and she was too afraid to open it.

“How’s Rose?” she asked, hoping to deflect the conversation away from her before they could ask why she she was sitting underneath Han Solo’s old jackets in a coat closet.

“Better,” Finn said, and the relief was audible in his voice. “General Organa’s meeting with her right now, so I came with Poe to find you.”

“And BB-8 tracked you down,” Poe finished, and BB-8 chirped his agreement at the statement. “Here. In a closet.”

“I was just looking for somewhere quiet,” she said, but her voice sounded tight and she knew they’d see right through her.

Poe and Finn exchanged a glance, and then Finn slid into the closet, taking the spot where Ben had been sitting before. Before Rey had time to contemplate whether this made her uncomfortable or whether she just was feeling off because of her encounter with Ben, Poe squeezed in too, squeezed between them, and BB-8 closed the door, standing guard outside.

“I don’t know how you think this is comfortable,” Rey arched an eyebrow, even though she wasn’t sure they’d notice. 

“Never said it was,” Poe said cheerfully. “Now, talk.”

“About what?” Rey asked, clasping her hands together to stop them from shaking as they had been in the moments after Ben had departed.

“Whatever’s happened to you,” Finn said, reaching over and clasping his hand around her left wrist. Next to her, Poe did the same with her right. 

“I trained with Luke Skywalker--”

“No. Whatever’s left you like...this,” Finn corrected, and Rey closed her eyes, because how would she ever explain this? The Resistance would think her a traitor, wouldn’t they? And how would her friends ever accept her after finding this out? Finn had worked under Kylo Ren, had seen all the atrocities he’d committed first hand, and Poe had been tortured under his command, and how would she ever explain to them that there was light within him, that the same hope that fed the Resistance was something that Rey saw within the soul of Ben Solo?

“You can tell us,” Poe said, squeezing her wrist encouragingly and Finn did the same.

She scrambled for a lie, but the truth came out in a rush not entirely unlike the one she’d felt the first time she’d used the Force--a tumbling wave but this time with a rush of pain as she recounted the Force bond that Snoke had put between them, the truth that Ben had told her.

She left out a few parts, not really feel like recounting the abject, embarrassing horror of accidentally finding Ben shirtless or the moment they’d almost touched before Luke had appeared.

She knew she should have told them about Ben’s offer for her to rule alongside him as Supreme Leader, but she couldn’t bring that up either. Not yet. Not with his presence closer and yet further away than ever.

“I...know it’s hard to believe, but I believe there’s still good in him. Just like Luke Skywalker did with Darth Vader,” she closed her eyes, afraid to look her friends in the face. “And I don’t know if that makes me a traitor or crazy or--”

“Rey, he tortured you,” Finn said, and she wasn't sure what was tighter--his grip on her wrist or the tension in his voice. 

“I haven’t forgotten,” Rey said, still squeezing her eyes shut. “We...were enemies at that point.”

“And you’re not now?” Poe asked, but there was no malice in his voice, which gave Rey the courage to open her eyes. Finn and Poe were having some sort of wordless conversation judging by their eye contact, but she couldn’t quite read it. 

“Yes and no. I...I just think there’s still hope for him.”

“He killed Han Solo,” Finn said quietly. “His own father.”

“I...think without Snoke’s influence that there might still be hope for him,” Rey shrugged. To try and explain it to them felt hopeless. They hadn’t felt his fear, his pain, his distress through the bond. They hadn’t seen him cut down his own master, hadn’t fought back to back with him, each watching covering and defending for the other, hadn’t felt that synergy--

“Okay, then,” Poe said, shrugging as both Finn and Rey cut sharp glances at him. “What?”

“Okay, then?” Finn repeated incredulously. “Just like that. After all he’s done--”

“I trust Rey,” Poe said, looking straight at her. “I mean, don’t get me wrong--it’s not easy and I’m not really ready to forgive him, but I trust Rey. And if she thinks there’s good in him, then there’s good in him. Somewhere. Down deep. A smidge,” he wrinkled his nose. “A dot.”

“That seems awfully hopeful for something so unlikely,” Finn said.

“Hey. Haven’t you ever heard that rebellions are built on hope?” Poe grinned, then sighed as Poe and Rey stared blankly at him. “Yeah, of course you haven’t. Well, they are, okay? I don’t know what’ll happen next, Rey, but whatever happens, we’re right here with you.”

“Thank you,” she closed her eyes, then slid her wrists out of their hands so she could clasp them in her own. They were both such warm lights in the Force, her friends--a way for her to have hope even when she couldn’t find the power to have it herself.

“Come on,” Finn said, managing to extract himself out of the pile that was the three of them. He opened the door, then held down his hands to Poe and Rey, who each took one. He helped them up easily--sometimes she forgot Finn’s strength, forgot that he had the same stormtrooper training that the rest of the First Order had. “I want you to meet Rose,” he said, his face brightening. “Both of you.”

“We’re right behind you,” Poe grinned, and together, the four of them--BB-8, Rey, Finn, and Poe--set off.

Rey could still, at the edges of her existence, sense the soul of Ben Solo as well.

He was darkness, but he was hope.

_This isn’t the end, Ben,_ she willed through the Force, only hoping that her presence would be a light that would cut through the darkness.

And, in a way, her hope was just like light, right? It only took a little light to destroy darkness...and it only took a little hope to hold on.

For now, she’d hold on to that small light, that small hope. 

With that and her friends, she knew she could make it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is done! A full shout-out needs to be given to the song "Hot Gates" by Mumford & Sons, the lyrics of which provided me with chapter titles and the music of which was on repeat as I wrote this.
> 
> Thanks for hanging out with me and reading this! :D I appreciate it!

**Author's Note:**

> This...was supposed to be a really positive, Happy New Year's thing, but as usual, once I started I couldn't stop and now everyone's sad. Eh. It'll get happier, I think. Basically, I watched the movie, fell on the Reylo ship, and now I have feels that need to be unleashed into the world. This won't be too long, but looks like it'll be longer than the one-shot I'd planned.
> 
> Thanks for making it to the bottom of the page. You can follow me on tumblr at words-from-auraelys if you'd like. If not, that's cool too. ^^


End file.
